Why am I having to do all the working out for my health issues, a bit like you do when solving a maths equation? After all, I trained as a lawyer not a doctor, even though I don’t practice anymore. Shouldn’t experts be able to give me all the answers? The thing is, as I’ve discovered in life, you often find yourself having to do other people’s jobs even if you’re not really qualified in those fields and are paying them quite a lot of money to do the work for you. Dean would understand because his lawn mowing man was very unreliable and he often had to do the lawns himself, no mean feat if you live on a lifestyle block. So even if you’re a partner at glamorous Bell Gully, which for some reason is still the most popular law firm in NZ, you still might have to get your hands dirty outside office hours. Don’t think you can just sit and shuffle paper all day wearing a suit in a nice office.
Even if you are lucky enough to find a good expert (which is hard in this country so you need to look for one that came from the UK like I did), you still need to do the work on your own, a bit like how a personal trainer at the gym can help you but unfortunately can’t do the exercise for you. If only it was that easy! You need to do a bit of thinking beforehand in order to know what questions to ask before you can find solutions. If you consult an expert, you have to work together as a team, just like I do with Alice my personal trainer regarding my weight issues. On that note, people who work at the gym can be more intelligent than doctors, so don’t be fooled by the environment you get advice in. Listen to what people say irrespective of their title and ask yourself the question, does this sound right in principle?
What are my health issues? To recap, they are:
1. Mild schizophrenia – the main symptom seems to be recurrent psychotic episodes, which I established myself. Why could the doctors not tell me what symptoms I presented? Well, you are the one who is in the best position to know what’s inside your own head, despite what anyone, even a psychiatrist, tells you. It’s not like anyone else can read your thoughts. Quite logical, really. I’d still like to know what causes a psychotic episode. It’s not enough to simply say it’s a “chemical imbalance in the brain” fullstop like the doctors all told me. We need to delve deeper and examine the underlying question of what exactly causes this. I know I ask too many questions but you need to get to the root of a problem in order to resolve it
2. Depression – I’ve explored this topic before in this post. I’d like to explore the underlying issue of what exactly causes depression. Also, if you are feeling depressed, take heart that it’s not necessarily completely all your fault. Depression can be triggered by others if they hurt you, examples of which are in this previous post.
3. Type 2 diabetes, which I control just with diet and exercise. It was the continued use of Risperidone, the evil anti-psychotic drug I was prescribed, that caused an enormous weight gain and elevated blood sugar levels, which led to the development of this condition. Doctors don’t disclose this side-effect at the time they prescribe the drug otherwise no one would take it, but I did manage to get my psychiatrist to admit that all his patients suffer from Type 2 diabetes.
Just a little note, despite what I said in an earlier post, I don’t really have bi-polar. My psychiatrist said that I don’t but I self-diagnosed, even though you’re not really supposed to do that. But I have lost my temper around the neighbourhood a lot lately because of the way our neighbours have been behaving. When my aunt who lives across the road told me that her busybody next door neighbour was asking very personal questions about her son’s recent separation from his wife and that it really upset her, I actually said that she should mind her own fucking business. I wasn’t raised to speak like this but was so angry. Some people like our neighbours seem to know all your weaknesses and know how to really get to you, a bit like my physio when he works on my pressure points during our sessions, but at least his intentions are good. If people provoke you, the law is sympathetic to this. That’s why provocation is a defence if you commit a crime and you get a lighter sentence, going back to the compulsory criminal law paper we took at law school, which seems a lifetime ago. I’ll continue to develop this thread in my next post.